Many of the affected, both women and men, have the feeling of having met a soul mate, the prince of their dreams. Sociopaths and narcissists give their best sexually, and women think that they are in heaven.
Psychopaths and narcissist have a sense of what women need. They are not empathic. They cannot imagine what and how other people feel and have no conscience. But they are highly manipulative and seeking power over you. Then one day, his behavior suddenly changes. The relationship will now be characterized by a constant and abrupt change of intense closeness and stress, strife, and a threat of separation.
A statement from a diagnosed sociopath: “Is it really that important whether I’m sorry or if I’m just saying it so that everything is better again? Does that mean I feel no remorse?”
A large number of victims of psychopaths have manipulated wives and partners who are smart enough to realize that “their psychopath” partner is cheating, lying, using and managing other people in their lives, but (unfortunately) too vain and blind, believing that they are the only exception to the rule.
Women are telling their stories:
- “…I became seriously depressed due to a constant, long-term mental abuse: I was so deep in it that I did not even realize the seriousness of my condition. I was so blinded by my ‘love’ that I accepted everything my partner did to me, thinking there was something wrong with me because he was behaving that way towards me. He made me believe that I was to blame, that it was me who made him act the way he did.”
- “…I wanted to believe he was a good man – the same man I met in the beginning – the one who loved me and was helpful to me, telling me I was beautiful. Then he started calling me fat and criticizing me at every angle. I finally had enough of his dating sites and porn and moved out. Low and behold, two months later he contacted me again, and we got back together – moved in together – because I thought he must love me. And on Christmas Eve, he proposed.
He started his crap again after we were married. Now its three months into our marriage and a woman he had been in contact with always on Facebook who just moved back to the area confirmed to me that they were having sex. …” - “…A. was perfect, charming, easy to talk to, agreeable, so very good-looking. Just the perfect guy. That should have been a clue, but I had never known what narcissism was, so it never crossed my mind. I just really thought he was my king. We would lie on the beach and look at the houses there, choosing which one we’d pick if we could have any. I know – sounds crazy. But that’s how goofy we’d be able to get. We’d get hotel rooms, move the couch to the windows and sit there and talk for hours over wine. The sex was great, but after a while, it got a little odd (more about that later). He was just my dream come true. I will say this: I was completely in love with him”. I’d start to notice that after we’d get extremely close and intimate, he’d find some way to put distance between us. Either by just not calling for a few days, starting a fight….And when he’d do this, he’d shut off his phone, so there’d be no way to reach him. When we’d get into a fight, he would hang up on me, and it would be a day or two before he’d turn it back on. It just seemed so extreme since they were usually fighting over such unimportant stuff. It wasn’t like I had cheated on him, but that’s sure how he’d react. His reactions to the arguments just never matched what we fought over. But I didn’t recognize this as a sign of anything…”
Are you noticing that your partner is most likely a sociopath?!
If you know or sense it, then WAKE UP, TAKE HOLD OF YOUR LEGS AND RUN AWAY! If you are still hesitant and are still hoping that everything is a pure misunderstanding, read the book by Martha Stout and then be honest with yourself.
If you realize that you have fallen for such a person and are now angry with yourself, you can now do the following three things:
- Promise yourself to have NO MORE CONTACT with him. NO! Delete his numbers and block him. If you have children, ask others for help. It is not uncommon for sociopaths to begin to stalk or re-establish contact with you, the victim. Do not fool yourself: you are NOT the chosen one. It is not up to you that he is like that. You cannot change him no matter what you do. Do you miss him and think about him every day? Diagnosis: Addicted to love!
You were manipulated. Take your life back into your own hands! Look for help or let us help you!
- You’re probably angry that this happened to you. That is understandable. Remember that the likelihood is very high that it will not be successful in any way. He is practically a lost one! What do you want from such a person? Forgive yourself, even if it seems impossible.
You have a task to fulfill: Be happy!
Again, forgive yourself and enjoy your life. Revenge is sweet: be happy! That’s what sociopaths do not like. You are no longer a victim. He cannot manipulate you anymore, and this will make him feel cheated. Take help if this is difficult or impossible at the moment!
How do I stop falling in love with an ice flower?
Have you ever fallen in love with an ice flower and you do not want to do this again? Understandable. Please keep in mind the following rule I read in Martha Stout’s book:
“If your partner has lied to you more than three times or been has been fooling you, he is a liar. Give him no additional chance. Don’t give him your money nor your knowledge. Leave him – go. Do not say it nicely; it’s not worth it. A liar is a liar and nothing else”.
Be very cautious when your troubled partner is talking negatively about former partners and trust your instincts. If you are unsure, reread my articles and if the listed items fit, let it be. You will find a partner that suits you. Trust me!
If you are feeling terrible now and you are feeling small, accept help, and contact people in your country. I have gathered here a list of places where you can find help and advice quickly, also anonymously. You are not alone!
And of course, I will you help you to “Overcome your Broken Heart.”
If you need help in your country, you will find here some telephone numbers and links.
England
- http://www.samaritans.org
116 123
USA
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
http://www.facebook.com/800273talk/(per Chat)
1 800 273 TALK (8255)
Canada
- Kids Help Phone (< 20years)
1-800-668-6868
older than 20 years:
http://suicideprevention.ca/need-help/ - First Nations and Inuit Hope for Wellness Helpline
1-855-242-3310 (no extra charge, 24 hours)
Australia
- Lifeline Australia
http://www.lifeline.org.au
13 11 14 - Kids Helpline
http://www.kidshelp.com.au
1800 55 1800 - Headspace (12-25 years old)
http://headspace.org.au/
Brazil
http://www.cvv.org.br/chat.php(per Chat)
atendimento@cvv.org.br
Other countries
Recommended books:
- Shahida Arabi, Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself
- Wendy T. Behary, Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed
- Bill Eddy, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities
- Martha Stout, The Sociopath Next Door
- M.E. Thomas, Confessions of a Sociopath: A Life Spent Hiding in Plain Sight
Additional links you may like:
Do you need help?
You can call me on WhatsApp: +49 177 4512080
or send me a mail to Birgit(dot)drzottmann.com
It’s also possible to talk to me with zoom or Skype.
Feel free also to check my website for further details: